On grief

In this series on my grieving, I will break down all five stages and how they’ve manifested themselves. While writing this, I’ve recognized how far I’ve come in my own grief process and where I fall. I tend to think of the grief process as Newton’s Cradle, you know the pendulum with 5 metal balls? Sometimes we experience more than one stage of grief at once, and some of the experiences expel more energy that show up more prevalently in your daily life.

I will grieve and mourn my sister for the rest of my life. Grief may or may not come back as strong or last as long as a year in bed with a bottle. I may even stop breaking dishes. I may stop crying when I see a stranger who looks like her in line at the grocery store. I really hope I learn to trust and forgive again.

Every future milestone will bring joy, but also pangs of sadness and loss. This might be the way I view things now, but I’m also aware that I haven’t truly accepted the reality of this unfair situation. I have never known a life without her by my side. I didn’t see any other possibility for the future for mine and Loretta’s lives but to share the ups and downs of motherhood, marriage and our careers. We were each other’s shoulder to either cry on, or body check each other in the right direction in the most loving way possible.

I hope with this series, others recognize and understand the unique, sometimes simultaneous ways we experience grief. Please remember that each journey is unique. Respect your journey, and the journey of those who are grieving with you. 

Delilah Saunders blogs about her experience with grief and is a regular contributor for New Journeys. She explains why here.