Know your flags: Codependency

Paying attention to danger flags or flags of warning can help us stay safe. When you’re making new friends or starting new romantic relationships, knowing how to spot these warning signs can help you see trouble coming.

According to Chris Kingman, a psychologist in New York, people who struggle with codependency may also struggle with self esteem issues, with low standards for how others treat them, and often pick partners who do not treat them very well.

Being in a codependent relationship might a difficult flag to spot. The reason for this is that codependent relationships can happen in any relationship—mother and daughter, aunt and nephew, brothers, partners, friends. Being able to understand the ways that codependent relationships are harmful can help you to spot this flag.

Signs of Codependent Relationships:

• You enable your partner’s unhealthy behaviors, and they enable yours.
• You minimize your needs and preferences.
• Instead of growing together, you deteriorate together.
• You feel increasingly bad about yourself.
• Your mood and self-respect are dictated by your partner’s mood and behaviour.
• You feel devalued or disrespected by your partner.
• You feel frustrated or angry about how you’re being treated but you don’t speak up. Instead you waffle between getting into conflicts keeping your feelings to yourself.
• You feel ashamed and embarrassed about what’s really going on in your relationship.

A first step to making a positive change in an unhealthy relationship is recognizing what might be going on. Another step is finding help if you need it. Habitude, Psychcentral and Codependents Anonymous are some good places to start.